


Fanfiction Poop: The Hat Tapic Kraw Meet Santa

by GengarFan3



Category: SpongeBob SquarePants (Cartoon), Super Smash Brothers
Genre: Christmas, Completely Idiotic, FFP, Gen, Memes, Out of Character, Parody, YTP
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2019-02-19 19:00:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13130022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GengarFan3/pseuds/GengarFan3
Summary: Some dumb story inspired by YouTube Poops that's based on the non-canon Christmas special of the Hot Topic Krew. Speaking of the Hot Topic Krew you should read that too. And definitely read the non-canon special before reading this if you haven't already.





	Fanfiction Poop: The Hat Tapic Kraw Meet Santa

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MerchantAnna](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MerchantAnna/gifts), [GeneralDarkPit](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GeneralDarkPit/gifts).
  * Inspired by [The Hot Topic Krew](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3113342) by [GeneralDarkPit](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GeneralDarkPit/pseuds/GeneralDarkPit), [MerchantAnna](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MerchantAnna/pseuds/MerchantAnna), [Original HTK Author (MerchantAnna)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MerchantAnna/pseuds/Original%20HTK%20Author). 



Dark Pit frowned as edgy goth music blared throughout the mall. Great, just what he needed was a crummy, angsty day full of cheesy Christmas specials such as Die Hard instead of real Christmas specials. Oh, how he loathed that movie! The overused Smash Mansion played it every year, almost every single day as the children loved it to death.

Ness wouldn't stop singing "Grandpa's Gonna Launch Nukes At The North Pole" with Popo and Nana as they did the Pee Pee Dance from Teen Titans Go To Hell. Lucas couldn't believe he used to be friends with those nerds, like seriously why did he ever thought they were cool when in reality, they were the worst people to ever walk on the sun.

The Anah Tseb Lirg started playing as Dark Pickle covered his ears. Luckily, his DK krew came to kill him as they had brought the goods. Wolf, the most sophisticated member of the DK krew, had a cooler full of the greatest drink in the world.

"Dude, did you bring… the goods?" whispered Shadow. It was like the crack of the weeaboo world. Suddenly, Wolf transformed into the godly Fat/ CD-I/ whatever the fuck you wanna call him Mario.

"No," Fat Mario replied. Everyone stared at him for a whole god damn year until he transformed back.

"Of course, my dear Shadow the Hedgehog who was introduced in Sonic Adventure 2 for the SEGA Dreamcast. It would not be the objects we members of the Donkey Kong crew value so much that we call them such a ridiculous name otherwise," replied Wolf.

He opened the cooler, revealing the Krusty Krab Pizza as the mall Goths stared in awe, pleased over the sight.

There were many toppings ranging from pepperoni, strawberry kiwi to even the fucking awful pineapple! Everyone grabbed their magically greasy slice as they began eating it like if it was the last thing on Earth-Chan, who's not flat.

"Mmmm... RICHER!" moaned Dark Pit who was actually Morshu. Mewtwo just gave him a look of pure lust.

"What the shuckie-darn are you doing? It's pizza for crying out loud," said the polite Pokémon.

"It's not just pizza, it's just pizza," Cia retorted, drinking a sixty-ninth one. Mewtwo rolled his eyeballs out of his eye sockets, which caused a flood of blood to pour out.

"You really shouldn't have another one. Take it easy on that stuff, that grease can really do a number on your health," warned the Psychic Pokémon. Before he returned to Cresh Bandicat to help more lives, he was a Calculus teacher at Sonic's Schoolhouse.

Pit couldn't help but be snooPING AS usual you see, wondering what Darkwing Pit and his friends were doing. He was told by Lucas's son Ike to keep an eye on his papa especially since he couldn't trust that damn light happy McMemelord. The angel flocked over, with his annoying personality in check.

"WATCHA DOING, YOU FUCKING LITTLE SHITS?!" he yelled joyfully.

"Gah! Back off Pit-stain!" snapped Dark Tip.

Pit gave him a look before straw grasping. Was that what he thinks it was?! Oh no, he must ruin them before they go on the nice list for life.

"NOOOO PITTOO DON'T EAT KRUSTY KRAB PIZZA! IT'S LEGAL!"

"Not a single person in the vicinity have any positive opinions on what you think of what we consume," said Wolf. The other mall preps mocked the angel as Pit summoned Satan Judas.

"I'm telling lady Palutena and her new boyfriend Santa and Grima and Waluigi and GengarFan3 and John Cena and the Nintendo Switch on wii u."

"Hey, what the fuck did I do?!" a nearby Wii U said as Pittip went off. The krew laughed, thinking he's just making stuff up. However, Lucas had a gut feeling. Which just so happened to be a pie bomb in his gut that he ate earlier that morning.

**Later that evening...**

There was a display of the nice and naughty list that Big Smoke stole from Santa. Everyone to include Wario were on the nice list this year while Dark Pit and his friends were on the naughty list. Dark Pit clenched his fists in anger wondering who the hell could have done such a thing. He also wondered why the hell his "paragraph" was barely edited.

"That darned angel sure really showed us," said Shadowowowowowowowow.

"Shut up! I don't need to hear it again," snapped Dark Pit. He was angrier than a Toucannon, and he really wanted to scream but instead, he kept it to himself. "Elmo's World" by Elmo started to play as if to mock them. Instead, it only appeared to make the krew high as hell.

"AUGH! ELMO MUSIC! RUN AWAY!" yelled the nearby Goku. Everyone tried to do so, but Darkrai challenged them to a Pokémon battle, and you can't run away from a trainer battle, so they were forced to stay. Yes Darkrai is a trainer and yes Pokémon can be trainers too.

However, Cia had a plan. After all, she was the bitch because no one else wanted the job and everyone else wanted to kindly speak to Santa. Wolf was just a wolf but he was also a government spy.

"Hey failures, tonight we should meet with Santa Claus and discuss how we feel about this list. He is a holy figure to this world and must be praised at all costs," said the dark sorceress. Everyone nodded in agreement as Squidward Tentacles bravely fought against Darkrai's team.

"Did I hear you fucking little shits say that Santa is a holy figure? Holy fuck you guys are dumber than a sack of diapers," the dipshit Pitshit said. "That moron is nothing but a piece of shit.

"Hey, fuck you too!" some random voice shouted. Pit and the krew took a look around the area, but everyone aside from a random Steenee, Mr. Krabs, Weegee, and BayoMeta Knight were occupied by the battle.

**Later that night...**

Lucas tried his best to sneak around, being careful not to make a sound out of the house but to no avail, for his grandson Ike caught him red handed with the blood of you. Yes it's your blood.

"Where are you going Lucas? It's Christmas morning. You should be in bed before Santa breaks the underground barrier," said the steroid-abusing mercenary.

"Grandson, I need you to get something real quick. My great-great-great-great-great grandson Sakurai said so," he replied.

"No... it's that damn angel again, isn't it? You should be seeing him! He is a bad influence on you," barked Ike as he morphed into the Annoying Dog from Undertale.

"Fuck u." Lucas ran out, causing Ike to sigh before getting his hot Tapu Koko, which killed Ike instantly.

**Even later that night...**

They met up at the Temple of Sauce as it was the most clean place ever, minus the paintings and statues of Link, Lance, Leo, and GengarFuckBoi3. Cia even recently obtained a Lonk statue from the middle of nowhere. Mewtwo found the place to be beautiful yet her GengarFan3 collection ruined it. She summoned Dark Links as they served them delicious Krusty Krab Pizza, hell she even had a pizza pool and a pizza fountain.

"Now, Santa's going to be stopping by a house not too far from there. We're going to calmly approach his sleigh and when he starts to fly, we jump on and die," Cia stated.

"How do you know that Santa's landing soon?" Mewtwo asked. Cia merely pointed across the street, where Dio Brando and Toon Link's Grandma were having a massive brawl in front of Waluigi's Taco Stand. Dio was severely wounded and was on the brink of death, for the old lady was too much for him. However, Dio had one last trick up his sleeve.

"ZA WARUDO!" Dio screamed as he froze time. He then jumped high into the air before crashing back down onto Toon Link's Grandma while standing on top of Santa's sleigh, which was actually a road roller painted red. "WRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!" Dio then jumped off of the road roller and ran off as time started moving again. Toon Link's Grandma was unfortunately dead, but neither Santa nor his reindeer cared. Strangely, the lead reindeer was Malleo for some reason.

"FOR HOT TOPIC!" Malleo shouted while Santa got out of the road roller and while the krew approached and while Waluigi was making manga.

Santa was waddling over towards the taco stand, dragging a huge sack of toys and coal behind him. Before he could chuck every single last piece of coal he had at Waluigi, the DK krew except for Mewtwo, who was busy hugging Malleo, jumped onto him.

"Ho, ho, HOE!" Santa screamed as they fell to the ground.

"Hello Santa. Surprised to see us?" asked Dork Pot. They all had a toaster of some sorts while Mewtwo kept hugging Malleo.

"Mewtwo, what are you doing? Quit hugging the autistic fuck and get over here," Cia demanded, being a bitch as usual.

... Yet the insult towards Malleo GREATLY pissed off Santa. So much that he was determined to beat the living shit out of Cia. Santa managed to quickly throw everyone off of his back before he started floating up into the air. Suddenly, a bright flash of light blinded everyone in the area before it quickly died down. As soon as it did, Santa's true form was revealed. He wasn't the jolly, fat man everyone knew. Yet this was indeed the man who had delivered gifts and coal on Christmas Eve, even though he hated nearly everyone else with a fiery passion. It was none other than the meme god himself, Weegee, which explained the random voice when Pip dissed Santa earlier.

"You think you can insult my big brother like that, you bitch?!" Weegee roared. "Think again!"

~The Nuclear Pokémon battle theme from Pokémon Uranium starts to play~

Weegee's right hand then popped right off of his arm and flew straight for Cia, grabbing her by the throat. He then proceeded to shake her for a little bit before tossing her right at Waluigi's stand, which was completely demolished by the crash.

"Woah, Mr., uh, Weegee Clause, sir! Please calm down!" Lucas begged.

"Why the hell should I?! She's on the naughty list, and clearly for good reason. Bitches like her, on days like these... DESERVE FAR WORSE THAN HELL!" Weegee replied as his hand attached itself back onto his arm. Turning his attention back to the dark sorceress, who was still trying to get up, the meme god decided to use this time to summon the edgy Morshu from my shitty HTK AU. As soon as he saw the fat bitch, Morshu immediately jumped into the air before slamming right down onto Cia, crushing her with all of his muscular weight. However, the portal that Morshu came from quickly got out of control and started sucking everyone inside of it. However, this didn't stop Weegee and Morshu's Attack On Cia. Weegee then started firing laser beams at her, though all of them missed, even if one managed to break one of the targets that came from nowhere. Soon, Weegee, Morshu, and Cia crashed right onto the famous Final Destination stage, while everyone else landed on a small island that was just kinda sitting near the stage for some damn reason. The trio on Final Destination got up and discovered that Abraham Lincoln and Sans the skeleton were on Weegee and Morshu's side while Bigfoot, Squidward, and Mimikyu were on Cia's side, turning the fight into an eight-on-eight brawl.

"Ready?" the Brawl announcer asked, even no one bothered to respond. "GO!"

And thus the true battle began.

Weegee immediately launched his hand again, this time tripping Cia, before the rest of her team could do anything. He then ran towards her, but Bigfoot and Squidward charged towards him while Mimikyu stayed back and used Swords Dance to power up her physical attacks. Morshu and Lincoln also charged forward while Sans stayed back because he was lazy. Sans was soon punished for his laziness though, for Mimikyu use Shadow Sneak to attack, with Sans only surviving the attack thanks to the Focus Band he was wearing. That's when the skeleton decided to get serious, leaping up into the air and spawning a ton of bones that flew right at Mimikyu. All but one of them missed, with that only one that did hit only breaking Mimikyu's disguise.

"Mim... mimi?!" Mimikyu cried out as the top half of the Ghost/ Fairy type's disguise fell down. All that time and effort that went into getting that disguise ready... so that Mimikyu could be loved... all went to waste.

_**AND MIMIKYU WAS FUCKING PISSED ABOUT IT** _

So pissed in fact that all the rage, fury, irritation, humiliation, but most importantly, DETERMINATION, that was gathering up within Mimikyu's soul granted the little ghost the power to use Never-Ending Nightmare without a Z-Crystal or anything! Unfortunately for Mimikyu, Sans still managed to dodge the almighty attack thanks to his power to teleport.

Meanwhile, Abraham was busy dealing with both Squidward and Bigfoot. The president kept dodging all of their attacks despite their best efforts.

"I hate to do this, but... GET INKED, ABE!" Squidward shouted, sending some ink flying towards Abe's face. Once again though, the president dodged, and the ink instead splattered across Bigfoot's face, getting into his eyes. Blinded, the ape covered his eyes and started to screech just like DK did back in the older Mario Party games. Abe used Bigfoot's temporary blindness to his advantage, slamming right into the creature while T-Posing. This sent Bigfoot falling off the stage and into the dark, bottomless pit below, where his soul would be slowly eradicated. Now CJ will never find him... not like he could to begin with.

"It's time for your final bow!" another voice shouted. Suddenly, Azura landed right in front of Abe, with her spear stabbing into the floor just inches away from Abe's feet. Abraham retaliated by picking Azura up, swinging her around, and then chucking her right at Squidward, Super Mario 64 style.

"DIE!" Weegee shouted in Final Form Cooler's voice as he kicked Cia right in the face. The witch flew a very short distance before bouncing on the hard floor. The edgy Morshu then elbowed her right in the gut, sending her back from where she came. The two memes continued to smash her back and forth a few times before Morshu sent her upwards with an uppercut. Once she was high enough, Weegee teleported above her and smashed his feet onto her, forcing her back down to the floor. Upon impact, Cia actually broke through a small portion of Final Destination, enough to leave a small, Cia-shaped crater, but not enough to cleave through the stage entirely. Seconds after impact, Cia teleported out of the crater and reappeared above the stage.

"Hey... wait a minute..." Squidward started as he ceased to fight. "Why are the three of us fighting for Cia anyways?"

~The Nuclear Pokémon battle theme stops~

Everyone else then stopped fighting. Squidward, Mimikyu, and Azura looked at each other, completely confused, before turning to face Cia. The witch gulped, knowing that the fight just became a seven-on-one melee. However, she quickly noticed something huge sluggishly approaching from behind her and teleported away.

"Give me my Death Egg Robot back, you stupid impostor!" Dr. Eggman shouted, chasing after the Death Egg Robot in his Egg Mobile. The giant robot's top then opened, revealing that it was none other than the Adventures Of Sonic The Hedgehog version of Dr. Robotnik who was the thief. AOSTH Robotnik's neck then eerily expanded to terrifying lengths, winding around towards the other Robotnik. The neck even twisted around to form the words "Suck my Pingas" in cursive before the neck stopped growing, with AOSTH Robotnik's head right in front of Eggman's face.

"NO!" Robotnik iconically shouted before his neck immediately shrunk back to normal size, bringing his head back to the rest of his body. Just as his neck returned to normal size, Cia appeared and lifted Robotnik out of the machine and chucked him into the oblivion below, the poor man screaming as he fell.

~Boss - Death Egg Robot (Phase 1) from Sonic Generations starts to play~

Cia then took control of the Death Egg Robot and closed the top part of the massive robot. Eggman then started to catch up to the flying machine, but Cia deployed some of the robot's Eggman-themed bombs from behind, one of which colliding with the Egg Mobile, resulting in an explosion just big enough to destroy the machine, yet, somehow, not harm Eggman himself.

"No! I can't believe this!" Eggman cried as he started to fall, seemingly going to meet the same fate as his counterpart. However, both of Weegee's hand grabbed the scientist and softly place him onto Final Destination before that terrible fate could be met. Once Eggman was standing up again, the Death Egg Robot landed on the right side of the stage, causing a small quake. The eight heroes then lined up in a similar fashion that the heroes from Final Fantasy would, somehow initiating an RPG battle with Cia and the Death Egg Robot.

BATTLE START!

Cia: I don't like you... Goodbye.

Death Egg Robot used Eggman Bombs! Weegee dodged the attack! Edgy Morshu took 1 damage!

Weegee *In Final Form Cooler's voice*: DIE!

Weegee used Eye Laser! Death Egg Robot took 1000 damage!

Edgy Morshu: Come back when you're a little... MMMMORE DESERVING TO LIVE!

Edgy Morshu used Bomb Chuck! Death Egg Robot took 567 damage!

Sans: Eh, I'm too lazy to come up with an original quote.

Sans used Bone Toss! Death Egg Robot took 1 damage!

Squidward: Go, Octillery! Use Octozooka!

Squidward sent out Octillery! Octillery used Octozooka! Death Egg Robot took 215 damage! Octillery was returned to safety!

Azura: Look me in the eyes!

Azura used Sing! Weegee gets to go again! Mimikyu fell asleep!

Weegee: Oh! I forgot I had this item the whole time!

Weegee pulled out the Mega Mushroom and used it on himself!

~Boss - Death Egg Robot (Phase 1) stops as Mega Mushroom from Mario Tennis: Ultra Smash starts~

Weegee grew huge and powerful! The stage started to shake! Mimikyu woke up! Everyone used Question Everything That Is Going On, Including This Stupid Dialogue!

BATTLE END!

~Mega Mushroom stops~

Thanks to the weight of the huge Weegee and the Death Egg Robot on both sides of the stage, plus the Cia-shaped crater in the center of Battlefield, the stage began to slowly crack and shake. Soon enough, the stage split entirely in half, with both halves falling into the abyss below. Even the island that housed those who weren't fighting started to fall, dragging everyone to the oblivion. Everyone aside from Sans, who was too lazy to, screamed as loud as they could. Not long after their fall into the endless oblivion started though, a portal formed beneath them, all of them falling into it.

**XxXx**

It was cold night in Bikini Bottom. Snow covered nearly everything outside, including SpongeBob's house, the Krusty Krab, Old Man Jenkins, and even King Neptune's Castle. While everyone else was either asleep or making last minute Christmas preparations, Plankton and his robotic wife Karen were outside, not too far away from the Chum Bucket, staring at two mysterious lumps in the snow.

"What's with these lumps? Did something get buried here during the blizzard?" Plankton wondered, poking on of the lumps with a small stick.

"Well, are you ever going to actually try to find out, or are you just going to poke at them all night?" Karen impatiently asked.

"Alright, cool your CPU, Karen!" Plankton replied. The tiny miscreant then whipped out a flamethrower at least three times his height out from thin air and began to melt one of the lumps. After just a few seconds, the first lump of snow had entirely melted, revealing Bigfoot's soulless corpse underneath. "WOAH! What the barnacle is that thing?!"

"That's Bigfoot, Plankton," Karen answered.

Oh. For a second there I thought this thing was the squirrel, but the squirrel's uglier than this thing. Let's see what's underneath lump number two!" Before Plankton could melt the second lump, Dr. Robotnik jumped out of the huge pile of snow, with his mustache tipped with ice.

"WAHH!" the chubby scientist hollered, taking a quick look around him. After looking around, he stormed off, grumbling something about hedgehogs and nuclear warfare. Plankton and Karen just stared at him as he walked away through the snow.

"... Was that Santa?" Plankton wondered out loud. "Oh well, let's get back inside before we start to freeze." The two then turned around to walk back to the Chum Bucket, but before they could move a single inch, a portal appeared above the bucket.

~The Creature (A) by Gregor Narholz starts to play~

"GREAT BARRIER REEF! WHAT THE HECKING SCALLOP IS THAT PORTAL DOING ABOVE THE CHUM BUCKET?!" Plankton screeched. He then ran towards the Chum Bucket, leaving Karen behind.

"Plankton, no! Stay away from it!" his wife cried out. Plankton ignored her and stopped as soon as he stood in front of the Chum Bucket, looking up at the horrifying wormhole. Suddenly, something huge started coming from within the bizarre portal.

"NO! NO NO NO!" Plankton begged as the huge object rapidly approached the exit. Once it got closer into view, it was revealed that the giant object was none other than the Death Egg Robot. Once its true identity was revealed, it only took a few seconds for the giant robot to come out of the unexplainable wormhole and crush the Chum Bucket.

~The Creature (A) stops~

After the dust settled from the crash, the head of the badly damaged robot opened up and a dizzy Cia walked out, holding her head with her hand. She waltzed around the chilly sea, somehow still breathing just fine.

"Ugh... where am I?" the witch asked, stopping her dizzy walking.

"YOU! YOUR STUPID ROBOT DESTROYED MY RESTAURANT, YOU MANIAC!" Plankton yelled, running towards Cia.

"Ah, fuck off, little... weir-"

That's when Cia was interrupted by Weegee, who was still huge, fell out of the portal, crushing Cia beneath his grand weight and even nearly squishing Plankton to boot.

~Sunny Samoa by Jan Rap starts~

"Ugh, I think I stepped in something," Weegee complained. He then started slowly sliding his left foot backwards a bit, causing Cia to scream in pain. Plankton then laughed maniacally, glad that Cia had to suffer a fate that he once did.

"Ha! That's what you get, you worthless vertebrate!" the tiny cyclopes stated. Just then, everyone else, starting with those who fought on Battlefield, fell out of the portal as well, with all of them falling on top of the ruined Death Egg Robot. Even Gladion, Silvally, Anabel, Ganondorf, Pikachu, Samus, Ryu, and Igor fell out of the wormhole for some reason, being the last ones to come out.

"And thus ends the tale of how the crew met Santa and discovered his true identity," GengarFan3, who was dressed as Santa Claus, sitting in a sleigh that was flying over the ruined Chum Bucket thanks to eight reindeer and AERODACTYL WITH A GUN pulling it, said. "Join us next time, where we will tell the tale of how the crew helped the Easter Bunny spread eggs all over the world... and even find his secret identity.

"OH NO, THERE WON'T BE A NEXT TIME!" Lyndis, who was riding on her horse with her trusty Brave Bow in hand, shouted before firing a thousand arrows at the flying moron, all of them either puncturing through his skin or the sleigh itself.

... But will there be a next time despite Lyn murdering GengarFan3?

**Author's Note:**

> Before I end this monstrosity, I actually do plan on doing an sequel to this that is indeed Easter themed. Since the HTK never had a Easter special (if I recall correctly), plus the fact that I want to make something that isn't mostly an idiotic edit, the sequel's actually going to be entirely unique compared to this. Hopefully I get around to doing that. After that though, I'm not doing anymore HTK "Fanfiction Poops"... though that's not to say I don't have other HTK related things I plan on getting around to.


End file.
